A Jew on Xmas

                                      

It's Christmas, but to me, a Jew, it's just another Wednesday.  To Jews, Christmas means Chinese food and a midnight/matinee showing of a movie not having to do with Christmas and/or featuring a Jewish actor/director (Woody Allen, anyone?)  I've always been fascinated with the whole concept of Christmas.  The whole hustle and bustle to get presents, clean the house, bake cookies, make a meal, get everything done by the December 25 deadline.  To me, it always seemed impossible for people to get it all done just in time for Christmas.  I always said to myself, thank goodness I'm a Jew and don't have to worry about it.  Having been on a very tight budget these past few years, I'm very thankful that I don't need to worry about any of the things that others, who celebrate Christmas, must worry about each year.  How do people ration out enough cash to budget everything?  I really don't know how people do it.

But then I think about the pang I feel at not celebrating Christmas.  I'm glad and proud to be Jewish, don't get me wrong.  But there's always this left out feeling, like you're looking in from the outside.  As a little kid, I felt this way.  Going to school Christmas parties and chorus recitals, I just didn't feel like I fit in.  As the token Jew, I always either brought cookies shaped like stars of David or insisted that we sing a Hanukkah song.  But those efforts made me stick out more.  It was either assimilate like them and go through the motions of Christmas or do nothing at all.  I choose the latter.

I know what you're thinking; I could do what many Jews do and celebrate the 'holiday spirit' of the day.  Some Jews put up Christmas trees, aptly disguised as Hanukkah bushes.  Some Jews even exchange gifts or have family over on the big day.  For me and my family, we sit it out.  The whole holiday season is free of hustle and bustle.  For us, there is no Christmas ham or Christmas tree.

I get it though.  There's this whole notion and expectation that Christmas brings a day of comfort and peace to the hearts of everyone who celebrates.  Even for me, as a non-participant, I feel that on this day, all my cares and worries are put to rest.  There's a general sense of calmness and serenity surrounding Christmas, no matter where the day falls.  I think it's that Hallmark/Norman Rockwell picturesque family around the tree or eating goose and fig pudding that I felt I was missing out on.  And I would argue that it's this feeling of missing out that makes many Jews, Muslims, Hindus, and Buddhists take part in Christmas despite not believing in baby Jesus and the whole idea of a nice Jewish boy being the son of G-d, chosen messiah figure.

As a culture, we have romanticized Christmas to the point of having expectations and hopes that my or may not come true.  As an outside observer, it seems to me that Christmas is very existential.  For almost two months, from after Halloween until the very eve of Christmas, we are up to our ears in  lights, tinsel, pine trees, flash sales, and 24-hour Christmas song stations.  There is constant planning and prepping from the minute we enter the month of November.  And then Thanksgiving, probably what should be deemed secular Christmas, or prep for the marathon that Christmas has become, everyone becomes obsessed with finding the best discounts and bargains so that Christmas can be perfect.  Right after Thanksgiving, the race is on to make the best Christmas ever and recreate a Martha Stewart living fold-out.
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Now, I don't mean to take a dump all over the holiday.  I know that for many of my friends the holiday has significant meaning and importance.  And the majority of people who I know choose not to be overly commercial and materialistic.  I know many folks who make their gifts and ornaments.  Some people have been collecting vintage decorations for years or recycle Christmas traditions handed down from childhood.  Some families sing carols around the piano sipping spiked Eggnog while others take turns reading Dickens's 'A Christmas Carol' around the fireplace in flannel pajamas (wait, do they?)  Wait, I think I have my notions of the holiday mixed up with movies and television shows.  See, that's the problem.  Where do we separate the actual holiday from the myth and hype surrounding it?  There is so much pomp and circumstance to Christmas.  It's like, everyone holds their breath until the 25th, and then, on the 26th, what's left?  A de-boned bird carcass, lots of dishes to clean, and perhaps a few gift returns.  Then, hit all of the post-holiday sales at the mall.  I ask, as an outside observer, why all the hype and zapping of energy for one day?  It's one day out of the calendar year.

And I get the thing about being with family; peace and good will, all that jazz.  But shouldn't people be incorporating all of those warm fuzzy Christmas-time things during the rest of the year?  Everyone rushes around like chickens without heads to make their Christmas special, but then what's the point?  Isn't the holiday more or less built up on false definitions of what makes the holiday so great?  Again, I'm not trying to poop all over the holiday.  I get its importance for those people who celebrate it.  However, I feel that as a result of sappy movies and TV shows, that we have a very high expectation for what the day should look like.  Think of all of those postcard-like images we get from even the Christmas songs.  One 'dreams of a white Christmas' where one 'decks the halls with boughs of holly' and 'come a-wassailing among the leaves so green' and has visions of sugarplums 'dancing in their heads' and has 'bells on bobtails ring' and sees 'glories stream from heaven afar' where everything is perfectly in place including 'a partridge in a pear tree'.  I admit that even I love listening to those Christmas carols, as they evoke a feeling of euphoric peace and nostalgia.  I especially like the 50's and 60's crooner tunes.  By the way, many of those Christmas carols are written by Jews.  It's not only the music, though.

Film has romanticized Christmas too.  There are movies like: 'It's a Wonderful Life'(1946), 'Meet Me in St. Louis' (1944), 'Bundle of Joy' (1956), 'Holiday Affair' (1949), 'Christmas in Connecticut'(1945), 'The Man Who Came to Dinner' (1942), 'White Christmas' (1954), 'Miracle on 34th Street' (1947), and 'A Christmas Carol' (1938/1951).  From these films, we get a packaged idea of what Christmas should be.  Despite problems, the characters are still able to work things out and have not only a memorable but an epic Christmas that tops any past memories of the holiday.  Again, it's like this existential phenomenon.  There is a build-up toward Christmas and when the holiday actually comes, magic and wonder fill the hearts of everyone gathered around the hearth which is ironically right next to the Christmas tree.  Hot cocoa, gingerbread cookies, roasted chestnuts ('on an open fire'), building snowmen, going for sleigh rides, opening mountains of presents, wassailing (whatever the hell that is), decorating a nine foot Christmas tree by threading popcorn and cranberries are the images of Christmas we get from the movies and songs.  Anything less is not acceptable.

However, there are movies like: 'A Christmas Story' (1983), 'Christmas Vacation' (1989), 'Elf' (2003), 'Bad Santa' (2003), and of course 'Home Alone' (1990).  In these movies, things are not 'perfect' and everything goes haywire on the big day.  You end up in a pink bunny suit, which was a present from Aunt Clara and that Christmas turkey you were dreaming of got eaten by the Bumpus' smelly hounds.  Not to mention that your father tried to display a tacky lamp, in the shape of a woman's leg, in your window for all the neighborhood to see.  And did I mention that you actually almost succeeded in shooting your eye out after using your Red Ryder BB again?  Or you could end up having a Christmas where your bonus never comes because your boss decided to do away with them.  So you cannot build your family that swimming pool they were dreaming of.  Then your crazy shit-for-brains cousin Randy decides to kidnap your boss in order to make things right.  In the process, you killed Aunt Bethany's cat and burned down the Christmas tree.  And Christmas dinner consists of jello mold filled with cat shit and a very bone dry turkey.  Or, you forget your kid at home while your family is en route to New York and do it again the next year en route to Paris.  Think of those moments, and you have the anti-thesis to a Bing Crosby Christmas, where everything goes wrong despite your best intentions and ambitious plans to make it a perfect holiday.

So know that if you don't have the Christmas promised to you by the iconic movies and songs, that you're still doing fine.  Take this from a Jew who watches it all through a plate glass window smiling because he doesn't have to get involved.  He just smacks his head in exclamation, 'Oy vey!  Goyem!'

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However, know, that as a Jew, it is not an easy time of year.  Even though I am an outside observer, it is still very strange watching the majority of the nation partake in something that has become for all intensive purposes, American, and by not doing anything I feel very un-patriotic.  I don't feel bad, at least, not anymore, for not celebrating Christmas.  Believe me, I don't have any desire to partake in the 'joy' of the holiday.  Not at all.  But it's strange that the religious meaning has been totally stripped from a day that should be completely religious.  Again, I'm not speaking for everyone.  There are many friends and individuals I know who find a lot of religious significance to Christmas.  As they should.  It revolves around the birth of a religion's personal 'lord and savior', Jesus Christ Superstar.  But for some strange reason, Christmas is now just as American as the Fourth of July or Thanksgiving.  It is a religious holiday that because of it's universal nature, is shared by many who aren't even Christian.

And it's hard to stay out of the whole Christmas show pony.  Every television channel has some kind of Christmas themed special.  Every talk show gives away gifts and money.  Every office and business has a holiday party.  My father's family business always had a holiday party and guess who dressed like Santa?  Well, my dad does have the build for it.  How can you not participate?  I've done Secret Santa and have gone to parties to pig out on sugar cookies shaped like reindeer and stockings.  So now I ask, as a non-Christian, how are you supposed to participate?

I had a lively debate lately with a friend about the commercialization and gaudy display of Christmas.  I brought up the fact that my son, who loves PBS, has been watching the Curious George Christmas special over and over again.  He became obsessed with presents and a Christmas tree because he thought this was 'normal'.  I mean, doesn't everyone, in the end, decide to celebrate Christmas because they don't want to be left out?  Everyone does this, right?  Wrong.  Aside from not actually being Christian, my fear is that I do not want my son to have a stigma like I did when I was little.  Why should Jewish children be ashamed of their heritage because they don't celebrate was has become so Americanized?  I don't want my son feeling like he has to participate so that he doesn't feel left out.   So, I explained to my son hat we, as Jews, do not celebrate Christmas.  We have a string of lights in our apartment, but that's it.  And they are lights, which have no affiliation with Christmas at all.  We put them up to bring more light and color into the apartment since in winter, it is dark and depressing by 3:30 every afternoon.   Lights are completely a-religious.  Everything else on the other hand is debatable.

I don't know what the answer is in terms of remaining completely true to your beliefs but polite to your friends and neighbors.  We've become hyper PC about the whole thing and wish each other 'happy holidays' or are sure to include Kwanzaa and Winter Solstice.  However, when you think about it, Christmas is not the end all be all of the holiday season.  Just about every culture and religion has some kind of festival or holiday about light.

Christmas certainly involves a lot of ideas surrounding light, both literally and figuratively.  The whole story of the three wise men (magi) following the star of Bethlehem in order to give gifts to baby Jesus.  But Jews have Hannukkah, which is about the miracle of oil burning for eight nights and the revolt of the Maccabees against the Greeks.  Hindus have Diwali, a festival celebrating the new moon and triumph of light/good over dark/evil where diryas (lights) are illuminated and mithai (sweets) are eaten and gifts are exchanged.  Kwanzaa, a celebration dating to 1966, and the name comes from the Swahili phrase matunda ya kwanza ('first fruits of the harvest').  It has seven principles, like unity and faith, that are represented through the lighting of seven candles.  There's also the Tazaungdaing festival within Buddhism, which celebrates the full moon and end to the rainy season in places like Burma.  In some locales, there are robe weaving competitions, while in others lights are lit in hot air balloons and released.

Then, of course, there is winter solstice itself.  The Zuni and Hopi tribes have the festival of Soyal, which celebrates the return of the sun and is seen as a time for both purification and renewal.  Prayer sticks, pahos, are made to bless the community along with their homes and possessions.  Yalda is the Iranian winter solstice festival, where Mithra, the sun god, who, like Jesus, was born to a virgin mother, and represents goodness, truth, and friendship is celebrated.  The Chinese have the Dongzhi festival, which is celebrated by families eating with one another.  One item eaten, mostly in Southern China, is tangyuan, a ball of rice which symbolizes reunion.  And in Northern China, dumplings are eaten.  This custom dates to the Han dynasty where poor people suffered chilblains (blisters and inflammation from the cold) on their ears; the dumplings were given to the poor to warm them up and because they resembled ears.  Solstice itself marks the darkest day of the year, where we go from long nights and short days to the opposite.  After solstice, the light literally begins to return again and everyone plunged in winter begins dreaming of spring.  And of course solstice has links to Stonehenge and Druids, but just about every culture has some form of solstice/light festival.

I get it, though.  Christmas is a major holiday for the dominant religion of this country.  However,  as an outsider, I see through the artifice of the holiday.  For many, Christmas offers a day filled with warmth, light, and joy amidst the darkness and somberness of winter.  For one day immortalized and suspended in time, individuals can be surrounded by loved ones with good food and cheer.  What I don't get, however, is the marathon up until Christmas Eve.  It's almost like there is more hype in the preparation than the actual day.  Or maybe it's just because to me, it is just another day.  Everything up until Christmas has such a glorified importance and careful amount of planning.  I can only imagine how people feel the day after.  It must be like what Jews feel right after the string of Jewish holidays in the fall.  There is probably a feeling like you're coming down from a cloud, arriving back to the harsh realities of life.  I guess that's why Christmas is so special to those who celebrate it.  But the point is that many people do not and should not be forced or shamed into celebrating even the joy of the day.
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In fact, the point is that there is more than just Christmas.  So making everything about a Christian centered holiday is just not fair.  In NYC, I never feel that the city overwhelms you with Christmas.  I feel that there is a conscious effort to remember that there are people coming from all parts of the world who celebrate many different things.  In fact, I enjoy Christmas in New York.  Looking at shop windows like Macy's and Bloomingdale's or going to the Union Square Holiday Market have become iconic.  You can go ice skating at Rockefeller Center or go to Dyker Heights (in Brooklyn) to see holiday lights.  I just feel that even the Christmas centered events are a-religious and it's not all about Jesus and Santa Clause.  However, there is still an over-commercialization, even in NYC.  Stores are open until the last minute and bargain shopping is not only encouraged; here, it's a sport.  I've worked retail around the holidays and it only brings out the worst in people.  They dicker over the language in the store's latest ad bulletin and try to convince you that because it's Christmas, you should give them the sale price even though the sale ended two weeks ago.

Again, I don't want to sound like Scrooge, but Christmas has been so stripped of its meaning that it's hard not to be negative.  What should be about kindness, joy, and heart is more about greed, consumerism, and selfishness.  I guess my hope for humanity is that we realize that the romanticized principles on Christmas should be applied to every single day of the year.  And perhaps that's what people strive to accomplish by listening to the hype; it's the idea that on Christmas, we can forget our woes and relax with family and friends.  We can return to a moment in time that exists outside of time, where time is linear and we each create a Norman Rockwell snapshot that will be remembered for years to come. The mall fights and stampedes are forgotten; the high rate of suicide and identity theft is discarded by the side of the highway.  What we, as a society, try to create is rustic, simplistic joy based off of nostalgia and fiction.  But is that so bad, really?  Christmas is a day where time stands still.  You know that you went over the budget for presents and might not be able to pay your bills, but let's worry about that tomorrow.  For now, you can get cozy by the fireplace and sip hot cocoa while you sing along to the record player crooning Bing Crosby or Frank Sinatra.

Have a Merry Christmas, for those of you that celebrate.  And for the rest of us, it's just another day where we must figure out how we belong without assimilated to the point of stripping ourselves of our own culture/religion.

Happy Holidays,

~R~

                       

ISHAH

נשות הכותל (Neshot Hakotel)- Women of the Wall

This is a movement that began in 1988.  It started on December 1,1988, when a group of seventy multi-denominational women met to pray (daven) at the Kotel (Western Wall) in Jerusalem.  They brought a Sefer Torah with them, as there were not ANY Torahs available in the women's section.  Because it is considered by more religious/traditional Jews that women should not carry or read from the Torah especially at such a place as the Western Wall, there was immediate backlash.  Men from the other side of the mechitzah (wall separating men and women) cursed, yelled, and threatened the women (which to note is not Torah behavior).

However at that time, the Kotel administrator, Rabbi Yehuda Gertz, allowed the service to continue and said that the women were not violated any part of Halakhah (Jewish law).  For the last twenty years, these women have fought to be able to read Torah, wear prayer shawls and even tefillin (prayer boxes usually worn by men) at the Western Wall.  They have been gaining notoriety especially in the States and other Western countries.  There is even a half hour film about the topic, which the clip above is taken from called 'Praying in Her Own Voice'.  I recommend seeing the whole movie. 

For those unfamiliar with why women cannot pray at the Western Wall with a Torah, you need some background.  Within some sects of Judaism, it is not believed to be permissible for women to touch/carry/study Torah.  They also have to sit separately from men and cannot receive aliyot (mitzvah where one is called up to bless the Torah).   This  would mostly be within the Orthodox and Chassidic (ultra-Orthodox) camps.  Reform, Reconstructionist, Conservative Judaism generally allow women to read from the Torah openly and accept aliyot.  Within those sects, women can also sit together with men and go up on the bimah (alter) with men as well.  Again, the belief on women and their place and practice differs depending on the degree of religiosity and the sect of Judaism that you speak with.

However, from my standpoint, a woman who wants to daven, especially at a place like the Kotel should be able to do so while carrying a Torah and wearing a tallit (prayer shawl) or tefillin (prayer boxes).  I ask the question, why would a woman want to pray there in the first place?  To serve Hashem (G-d) of course.  So, to deepen a woman's prayer and her connection to Hashem, wouldn't having a Torah make sense?  It's not like these women are going to the Kotel naked or they are doing something overtly blasphemous like cussing and playing loud death metal.  These women are going to the Kotel to pray, to be Jews.  That's all.  Nothing taboo or mysterious. So, by blocking them from praying and expressing their devotion to G-d, one is sinning, right?  Isn't it a sin, within Judaism to prevent a person from praying and showing devotion to the Almighty?  I'd say so. 

Futheremore, there is NO specific stipulation in the Torah or traditional rabbinic sources saying that women cannot carry/read from the Torah or wear a tallis/tefillin.  In fact, the daughter of Rashi (A Jewish Biblical philosopher/scholar) apparently used to wear tefillin while she prayed.  This is similar to how there is no specific stipulation that women (or even men) should cover their hair, or at least wear a wig.  There is a part in the Torah a woman, who is accused of adultery, called a 'Sotah' has her hair 'uncovered' by the priest (rabbis weren't in fashion yet).  It isn't quite known whether the passage from Numbers is meant to be directly interpreted or not.  In fact, the Mishnah (Torah commentary)  says that a woman's hair covering has more to do with the laws of the Jewish community, as it was grounds for divorce, rather than dating back to Moses and being an actual 'sin'.  The whole idea of women's modesty (clothes and behavior) has to do with 'tzinut' (humility/modesty) which is why the signs in the ultra-Orthodox neighborhoods in Israel ask women not to wear 'immodest' clothes (pictured below).  One could also say that just because something isn't in the Torah, doesn't mean it isn't followed or practiced.  Take for instance, take the laws of kashrut (kosher).  It says in the Torah that a kid should not be boiled in its mother's milk.



*Women and Head Covering

So, Jews who observe the laws of kashrut, or who keep kosher, do not eat milk with meat.  This goes further to mean that milk and meat shouldn't be on the same table at the same meal and that separate plates and silverware are to be used for each.  The Torah doesn't specify the degree of practice, and one could even say that chicken is not included int he stipulation of being separate from dairy.  However, Jews keep count chicken as meat.  Jewish law and text cannot be taken in a vacuum but there are also many instances where fences are created around fences, meaning laws are extended beyond how they were probably originally meant to be followed. 

I am not trying to say throw out all the rules of Judaism.  I respect and love the Torah and the laws/rules of my religion.  However, Israel is in a major hot spot right now.  It is surrounded by contentious neighbors like Egypt, Jordan, Iraq, Iran, Lebanon, and Syria.  Hamas and Hezbolah want Israel to be demolished and don't give a rat's tail what happens to the Jews.  So, do we need even more animosity and fighting amongst our very own people?

I mean, again, as a Feminist I speak, but women should be allowed to wear tallit and tefillin.  In fact, supposedly it was my cousin, a rabbi in Minnesota who started the women's tallit movement, or at least was a big hand in getting it off the ground.  I also think women should be able to read from the Torah as well as study it.  I'm all for the opening of more women's yeshivas, and dare I say it, co-ed yeshivas like the wonderfully beautiful Pardes (that I attended) in Talpiyot, Jersusalem.  Now, what I'm not saying is to tear down the mechitzah and have women and men sit together.  Just because I daven egale (men and women together) these days doesn't mean everyone does.  Synagogues and individuals should do what they are comfortable doing as long as it follows the laws of Judaism.  I mean, if I'm invited to a Reform synagogue and the general congregation doesn't say wear tallit or conduct service in mostly English, it doesn't mean I won't attend.  I'd want to welcome other Jews into my house as I'd be expected to be invited into theirs (be it actual house or house of G-d, synagogue).  However, this is not the sentiment of the religious right!

I am disgusted by the behavior and actions of the religious right, who have a major stranglehold on Israeli politics right now.  Women aren't even allowed to accept secular studies awards because it is 'too immodest'.  I, however, am going to say something very controversial right now.  The pigheaded men who lead the religious right movement and those who follow the very extremist line of thinking walk a dangerous line.  Many of them do not respect the state of Israel or recognize the government as an institution.  Many of the religious right families are also using the welfare system in Israel, as they have lots of children and usually only the women work while the men study.  So, they have to use the social services available.  Some would call them 'leaches', though I wouldn't go that far because I still recognize and welcome them as fellow Jews.  My question is to them, why is a person living in a country that you don't formally recognize, while also reaping the benefits of its social services yet tearing it apart?  It hurts my hear and makes me sick to think about it. 

Many of my Israeli friends have thought about leaving and there is a large exodus, especially amongst younger Israelis to leave the country because of the difficulty that the religious right is causing.  They want everyone to 'be Jewish' like them which means black suits and hats with the women in long skirts and wigs.  This is despite the fact that the beliefs held by the Charedi (right wing) Jews are cultural and have little basis off of Jewish law.  However, what they need to realize and appreciate is that Judaism has a multitude of different beliefs, practices, sects, races, ethnicities and dare I say it, sexualities.  That's what makes Judaism so beautiful, in my eyes.  But many folks of the religious right want to erase the rainbow, the keshet, of Judaism.

I would go as far as to say that the religious right who are against the Women of the Wall don't even respect women.  They revile women and fear them.  They are scared misogynists who want to keep women quiet and subdued.  And the only reason their women don't fight back is because they're brainwashed to accept their lifestyle as the ONLY way.  And I say this as a proud Jewish feminist who thinks women should be treated and respected like the women in the Torah.  What would our matriarchs, prophets, and other notable women of the Bible- Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel, Leah, Ruth, Esther, Deborah, Miriam and Judith- say?  These women were strong and fierce fighters for the Jewish faith.  These women would be disgusted and outraged that such a travesty in Israel is taking place right by their very tombs. 

Plus the fact that it is women who are the carriers of Jewish tradition.  The religion was patrilineal in the Biblical ages but changed to matrilineal religion.  The women teach the children about Jewish laws and customs while keeping the Jewish home (also keeping the idea of maintaining a 'kosher' home).  The ideas of having a 'kosher' home are imbedded within the laws of 'niddah' (female cleanliness)  and 'taharath hamishpach' (family purity).  Women are at the forefront of this.  So, why, if women are so important, are they so shunned and kept waiting in the wings?  I'm not saying we should undo Jewish law, but why can't women be allowed to daven WITH a Torah at the holiest of Jewish sites?  WHY??  Because a few men find it offensive?  Because they don't respect women enough to give their own a voice?

What's even more disgusting is the thought that many of these religious right individuals act with violence and aggression to keep their so -called version of the Torah.  So they end up being total hypocrites because the behavior they show when they spit, cuss, and use violence toward women or other Jews is definitely definitely forbidden in the Torah.  No questions asked.  Their behavior shuns Jews and converts away from the religion.  Is that Torah living?  To drive people away from being closer to G-d and Torah?  Are these members of the religious right acting within G-d's sense of light and truth?  When you spend so much time creating fences around fences around fences, you forget the bigger picture.  

Plus, the other thing is that we, Jews and Israel, have enemies who want to see Israel blasted into the ocean.  Why do we have to be fighting amongst ourselves.  The messiah will NEVER come at this rate, with the Jewish people being so divided.  The Torah DOES say that.  It also mentions how being divisive and tearing the Jewish people apart is WORSE than idol worship.  The nation of Israel's unity and the idea of AM YISRAEL CHAI (people of Israel living and being whole) is very important.

WE HAVE TO BE ONE PEOPLE!!!  We have no one else.  We have been smitten throughout history and many cultures and people have tried to wipe the Jews out.  Coming on the heals of Hanukkah, and thinking about the strength of the Maccabees and the miracle of the lamp burning for eight night, we should consider another miracle, the one that has Jews living through major times of strife and evil.  The fact that Jews are still here and that we have a nation to call our own, is the biggest miracle of all.  What better way to celebrate that than to come together and elevate one another to being not only better Jews, but better people as well.  Though this is my view both as a rabid Feminist and Zionist. 

My hope for the future is that the Women of the Wall are allowed to daven there freely and are not met with the ferocity of animosity that they've experienced.  I hope that Israel will become a place where Jews of many shades and beliefs are not met with discrimination and disgust.  None of us, as Jews, or as people are perfect.  We should be trying to encourage each other to live and breathe Torah and the customs/laws of Judaism.  We should elevate one another upward rather than holding each other back.  A Jew is a Jew is a Jew.  Nu?

I will leave you with a song, 'Henay Matov', Psalm 133:

'Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for bretheren to dwell together in unity'

Jewishly yours,

  ~R~




LINKS:

~ Women of the Wall site

~NY Times article on Women of the Wall

What's a Jew to Do: Part 1

This is the beginning to a play I'm working on.  It will be written in three parts, and as always with my writing, especially my fiction, I appreciate feedback.  I will be continually editing this.  However, this is a first, rough draft of the play.  I'll be updating it periodically as I edit and make changes.  Thanks and enjoy! 

NOTE: It started as a short story but I changed it to a play because, well, it was funneling out more as a play in my head.  I think it sits better as a play; that's how I was visualizing it.

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What’s a Jew to Do?

(this is my original work and any attempt to reprint or copy needs my written permission)

Part 1

Lights up on a stage set to look like a college apartment.  There is a couch set at a diagonal CSR.  A computer desk is across from it SL.  Daniel’s bedroom is DSR and Ethan’s bedroom is DSL.  The kitchen area is UCS and the front door is USL.  The stage can be pretty bare except for the necessities like a couch and a desk with a laptop. 

Daniel and Ethan are dressed like typical college students.  Except that Daniel is much more clean cut than Ethan.  Ethan is a ‘hippie Jew’ and can have tie-dye, dreads, overalls, the works.  Daniel is wearing jeans and a college sweatshirt.  Though they contrast, it shouldn’t be too apparent.

ETHAN

(with a Santa hat, singing)

“Rockin’ around the Christmas tree, have a happy holiday.  Everyone dancing merrily in a new old fashioned way.”

DANIEL

(annoyed)

Cut that shit out, Ethan!

ETHAN

Daniel, chill, the song was written by a member of the tribe, after all!

Daniel walks across the apartment to the computer and turns the speakers down.

ETHAN

I mean, it’s not like you’re going to synagogue these days.  The last time you went was Yom Kippur nineteen ninety what?

DANIEL

Ethan, I don’t mind the Christmas carols, really I don’t.  I just wish you wouldn’t blast them and sing along like we’re Santa’s fucking elves or something.

ETHAN

Okay, okay.  I get it.”  Ethan walks to the computer and begins typing something that Daniel cannot see.  He, in fact, changes the Pandora station on the computer which changes the mood entirely.  “Maybe you vant a little bit of the old country, nu?  Daniel, boychik? (pinches Daniel’s cheek)

Some very “Jewish” sounding klezmer band music starts to play.  Ethan begins to clap his hands together first left, then right.  He then begins to stomp on the floor making it look like he knows what he’s doing but in fact he is ad-libbing a ‘tribal’ looking Jewish dance.

DANIEL

That’s not much better.  Why can’t you just turn on some indie or 70’s power rock?  You know, like a normal person?

ETHAN

Damn, dude.  Are you still pissed after Alana dumped you?  What did she say, that you weren’t ‘Jewish’ enough or something?

DANIEL

Ethan, can we please not talk about this.  Daniel sulks for a second and takes another swig of his Sam Adams Winter Lager.  Okay, for your information, I went to dinner with Alana and her parents.  It was a complete fucking disaster.  We went to this kosher deli over in Brookline and it was, what do you call it when you can only eat meat?

ETHAN

Ethan clears his throat and makes a sound like he is going to spit.  ‘Fleishig?’

DANIEL

Yea, and so we sit down to eat.  Me, being a dumbass, asks the waiter for a cheeseburger.

ETHAN

So?  Dude, there are lots of Jews who eat cheeseburgers.

DANIEL

Yea, but Alana’s parents are pretty Jewish.  They didn’t even want to eat at this restaurant that Alana picked because they didn’t think it was ‘kosher’ enough.

ETHAN

What do you mean?  A restaurant is either kosher or not, end of story.

DANIEL

Ethan, apparently, some restaurants are like SUPER kosher because of the rabbi blessing the food or something.  So this restaurant ended up being fine, but believe me, Alana’s parents had to talk to the owner and chefs for like twenty minutes.  They flipped out because they saw a woman eating a bagel with cream cheese.  But, the cream cheese was tofu and therefore..

ETHAN

Therefore, it wasn’t dairy.  It was pareve, so the restaurant wasn’t mixing meat and milk.

DANIEL

Right.  But Alan’s mother nearly had a coronary right then and there.  That woman is so uptight.  But anyway, so we sit down and Alana’s father is even wearing a yarmulke.

ETHAN

Alan’s mom is hot, dude.  Does she wear a sheitel though?

DANIEL

A what?

ETHAN

You know, a wig.  I think Orthodox women who wear wigs are even hotter than those who don’t.

DANIEL

You’re fucked.  No, she wears hats.  You know, those big frilly elaborate hats that probably cost $300 each.  But, you’re getting me off the point, shitwad!

ETHAN

Okay, well go on.  I’m all ears.

DANIEL

Well, so anyway, everyone is ordering, and I ask for a cheeseburger.  Then, Alana’s parents stare at me in shock.  They didn’t know, though, that the restaurant also had vegetarian cheese.

ETHAN

Okay, so they think you’re a little out of it.  But, why is that such a big deal?

DANIEL

Well it’s what happens next.  Do you remember the story of when I was a kid?

ETHAN

Which one, your family is really fucked up.

DANIEL

The one where I go to Sunday School and learn about being kosher.  I then go home and tell my parents that I want to keep kosher.  So they agree and try it, though they continue eating shrimp and ham.  So, every Saturday morning, my mom would cook a special, big breakfast.

ETHAN

You know that if your parents were respecting your wish to keep kosher then they should have also told you about not cooking on the Sabbath.

DANIEL

Whatever, will you let me continue?  Ethan nods.  Okay, so every Saturday morning, my mom liked to cook eggs, bacon, toast, pancakes, the works, ya know?  So, me wanting to keep kosher, she tries to buy these tofu sausages that taste like cardboard.  So, usually I just eat what everyone else has except for the pork products.  So, there’s this one specialty she makes called ‘backahn’.  I used to think it was out of some special Jewish cookbook.  It was so good.

ETHAN

Dude, I’ve never heard of ‘backahn’.

DANIEL

That’s because it doesn’t exist.   While I was at lunch with the Nissenbaums, I take some ‘backahn’ out of my coat pocket.  You know, I carry it around and eat it like beef jerky sometimes.

ETHAN

That’s weird, dude.

DANIEL

 So when I get my burger, I put it on my plate.  Everyone, including the waiter just stares at me, horrified, like I had just slaughtered a baby deer right on the table!

ETHAN

Why? I don’t get it.

DANIEL

After Alana refused to every see me again, I called my mom and asked her about it directly.  I asked her why my eating the ‘backahn’ caused the restaurant to temporarily close and Alan’s parents to cover their eyes, run out the door, push Alana in the back seat of their car, and speed away like...

ETHAN

Like they had seen Satan in the flesh?

DANIEL

Ethan, Jews don’t believe in Satan!

ETHAN

Yes they do.  He’s in the story about Adam and Eve.  Anyway, what did your mom tell you?

DANIEL

You know for someone so knowledgeable about Judaism, you sure don’t act very ‘Jewish’.

ETHAN

What does that mean?  I’m a Rasta Jew, mon.  I smoke da herb like my forefathers did.

DANIEL

Not this bullshit again how Moses and Abraham got high.

ETHAN

How else do you explain burning bushes and oceans moving?  Totally psychedelic!  But, back to you.  What about this ‘backahn’ thing?

DANIEL

So, when I called my mom and told her about the Alana incident, she told me, very matter-of-factly, that this entire time I had been eating bacon.  ‘Backahn’ WAS bacon.  She told me that I enjoyed it so much that she didn’t have the heart to tell her six year old that it wasn’t kosher for Jews to eat.  Apparently, even after I stopped trying to be kosher, she never told her twenty two year old son either.

ETHAN

Oh damn.  I didn’t realize your family was that fucked.  So that’s why Alana dumped you.  She had big tits.  That’s too bad.

DANIEL

Dude, is that all you think about?

ETHAN

Pretty much. Ethan takes gets up to turn off the music and gets another beer. So we’re all set to go to New York for New Years, right?  We’ll stay at my cousin’s apartment.  He’s in Israel with his family right now.

DANIEL

Your cousin Josh?  Isn’t he gay?

ETHAN

That’s why his parents are taking him to Israel.  To find him a ‘nice Jewish girl’ and a rabbi who will ‘cure him’.

DANIEL

Dude, you think my family’s fucked up.  Look at yours.

ETHAN

It’s just my mom’s sister’s family.  They’re all whack jobs.  My mom hardly ever talks to Aunt Miriam.  You know, she was in a cult in the sixties.  She lived on a commune out in California and did tons of LSD.  I think it fried her brain a little bit.  She ended up marrying this really religious guy with lots of money and she’s become kind of frum.

DANIEL

Huh?

ETHAN

You know, Orthodox.  She covers her head and doesn’t wear pants.  When she found out Josh was gay, she flipped out.  So now, they’re all in Israel, finding their Jewish roots as a family.  And finding Josh a nice, quiet Jewish girl who will put up with his ‘eccentricities’.

DANIEL

Aren’t there gay people in Israel?

ETHAN

Yea, totally.  Josh will be fine.  I’m sure he’ll meet some big butch army guy and come back here and get married right here in gay old Massachusetts.

DANIEL

I’m sure your aunt would love that.  She’d have him committed.

ETHAN

So, dude, anyway, their apartment is huge.  It’s in Brooklyn Heights in this really expensive neighborhood.  Plus, we’ll have it all to ourselves.  Think about it.  What could two dudes like us do with such a situation?  It’d be like ‘Big Lebowski’ or ‘Hangover’ proportions minus the scrawny, nerdy guy.

DANIEL

Right, and you’re Jeff Bridges or Zach Galifianakis.

ETHAN

Exactly.

DANIEL

You’re such a douche.

Daniel gets up and gets another beer.  He looks in the fridge and realizes that there’s only one more beer.  He grabs it and takes a swig.

ETHAN

(annoyed)

Is that the last beer?  Aw man.

DANIEL

Yep, and it’s mine.  So, when are we leaving for New York?

ETHAN

We’ll probably leave tomorrow afternoon.  It depends on when I can get a hold of my dealer.

DANIEL

Fuck it all to hell.  Fuck, no.  Don’t bring drugs on this trip.

ETHAN

Look, it’s only some shrooms, some pot, and a little bit of hashish.  No big deal.  Besides, what’s a trip without a ‘trip’? Huh?

DANIEL

Ethan, look, I love ya man, but you are really going to fuck up your brain doing that shit.  I mean, not that there’s much in there to begin with.

ETHAN

Daniel, chill.   You should consider harshing your mellow a little, man.  Anyway, there’s a Phish show on New Year’s Eve and I need the right vibes for it.

DANIEL

Ethan, I hate Phish!  And anyway, you don’t have tickets.

ETHAN

Scalpers.  New York is full of ‘em.  I’m sure I’ll snag some good seats.

DANIEL

Well you’re flying solo on that one.

ETHAN

Don’t worry, Melissa is there.  (sings) “Sweet Melissa.”

DANIEL

Isn’t her dad a rabbi?

ETHAN

Yea but she’s a child of the earth who lovves shrooms and Phish.  Plus, I know she’ll have sex with me if she’s tripping.

DANIEL

Only if she’s tripping?

ETHAN

Well, I know she digs me, but she’s a little shy.  I actually think she likes chicks but if she’s tripping, she won’t know the difference.

DANIEL

Great for you. Daniel’s phone rings.  Hold on a sec.  He motions to Ethan and walks into the kitchen. 

(on the phone) Mom?  What?  What do you mean?  No, I’m not planning on coming home.  Where?  To New York with Ethan.  Why?  I wasn’t planning to come home for Christmas.  Why is it so important?  Wait, what?  Are you drunk?  Have you been mixing your pills with wine again?  That is outrageous!  Why the hell would I come home?  WE’RE JEWISH!  No, I know we don’t go to synagogue but that doesn’t mean we all have to be home and spend Christmas together!  I’m going to New York and that’s final.

Daniel hangs up the phone and sits back down on the couch.  He takes a long sip of his beer.

ETHAN

What the hell was that about?  Helen flipping out again?

DANIEL

Well, if you want to know, she suddenly wants everyone home on Christmas to spend it ‘together as a family’.  That doesn’t make any sense at all.  I mean, no we’re not the most Jewish family but we never celebrated Christmas either, well except that one time that I woke up on Christmas morning and found a Voltron castle by the fireplace.

ETHAN

Dude, your family is weird.  What is Helen’s problem anyway?  Her son doesn’t do drugs..

DANIEL

Though he hangs out with ‘druggies’.

ETHAN

Is that what Helen calls me, ‘druggie’?

DANIEL

She says that I could find better company to be with, that’s all.

ETHAN

That bitch!  Well, she won’t ruin our fun, right boy-o?

DANIEL

What do we have planned anyway?

ETHAN

Well, Mister DEA, I thought we could hit up some NYU parties.  Go down to the Village and bar hop.  There’s supposed to be this killer Christmas Eve show at Brooklyn Bowl.  It’s a Jewish party put on by one of those culturally Jewish magazines TRIBE or something.  They’ve got strip dreidel and Manishewitz body shots.  Plus, I think Matisyahu is playing too.  A whole bunch of Jews hanging out on Christmas eve?  C’mon?

DANIEL

Yea, I guess that sounds like fun.

ETHAN

We just gotta get a brotha laid!  And there will be plenty of hot pootytang to sample when we get to the Big Apple. 

DANIEL

I don’t know.  I always seem  to fuck things up.

ETHAN

You just have to try dating girls that aren’t psycho.  Or maybe just date girls who aren’t Jewish at all!  There’s a thought.

DANIEL

Not all the girls I date are psycho, are they?

ETHAN

Freida the Dorrito freak?  She passed out at just the smell of Dorritos and that was before she took hits on the bong.  She also meowed and purred like a cat.  That was bizarre.

DANIEL

What about the girls you date?

ETHAN

Continue.

DANIEL

Heidi?  I seriously thought about calling the National Enquirer to tell them that I had proof of Bigfoot.

ETHAN

Just because she didn’t shave her legs or pits and had big feet.

DANIEL

And smelled like she showered five years ago.

ETHAN

Well, she wasn’t psycho.  Not like Mindy.

DANIEL

Mindy was nice.

ETHAN

Mindy would talk to herself and give lectures even if no one was listening.  Remember when we were on the T and she was holding a conversation with herself in third person?  What the fuck was that?

DANIEL

Okay, okay.  So some of the girls I’ve dated are a bit odd.  So maybe on this trip you can be my wing man.

ETHAN

That’s what I want to hear.  Get back in the game.  Maybe Melissa has a friend.

DANIEL

I’m not into hippie chicks. 

ETHAN

What about the Dixie Chicks?

DANIEL

What?

ETHAN

(fakes a Southern accent) There’s that Coyote Ugly bar in the East Village.  We could saddle you up with a cowgirl like Natalie Maines.  Pause.  You know the lead singer.  She’s hot.  I’d bang her. 

Daniel shakes his head in disgust. 

ETHAN

What about chicks with dicks?  There’s Lucky Cheng’s, a drag karaoke bar on the Lower East Side.  Ladies with large adam’s apples. 

DANIEL

Gross!  No!  You’re sick.  How about a nice normal Jewish-ish girl?

ETHAN

In New York?  You’re lucky to hook up with a girl who doesn’t have STDs.  Normal and Jewish?  You don’t even…(cut off by Daniel’s phone)

DANIEL

Daniel’s phone rings again.  Hold on, man.  Daniel picks up the phone and walks toward the kitchen again.

Mom? Now what?  No.  No.  You ARE NOT doing that.  Fuck no.  Are you seriously nuts?  What about dad?  What about Leah?  Oh, I see.  Well, thanks for ruining my life.

Daniel hangs up the phone and throws it across the room.

ETHAN

What now.  What is Helen going on about now?

DANIEL

She’s coming to New York to (makes air quotes sarcastically)‘spend time with her son’.

ETHAN

What?  When?  How?  What?

DANIEL

She’s flying out tomorrow morning.

ETHAN

Oh holy hell.  Is she coming with us?

DANIEL

Well, she said that she’ll meet us in New York.  It’s another one of her batshit crazy ideas about ‘seizing the moment of the present time’.

ETHAN

Has she been indulging in the self-help section at Barnes and Noble again?  (lightens up, smiles) Well look on the bright side.  She’s not driving with us, so I can still bring the goods.

DANIEL

Dude, no.  Oh shit, this is bad, really bad.

ETHAN

Hey, Daniel.  It’ll be fine.  Besides, when I said I was going to get drugs, I meant I already got them.  There is an awkward pause. So, your mom will also be in New York the same time as us.  So what?

DANIEL

I just want to go pass out and deal with this tomorrow.

ETHAN

Okay, fine with me.  I’m gonna stay up and watch ‘Yellow Submarine’.

DANIEL

You’ve seen it like fifty gazillion times.

ETHAN

Yea, but I think I got an idea for my thesis.

DANIEL

Whatever, I’m going to bed.

Daniel goes into his room and shuts the door behind him.  Ethan stays on the couch watching tv.  Eventually, he passes out on the couch until morning.  The sound of the buzzer wakes him up.  Ethan gets up off of the couch and goes to the door.  He presses the buzzer goes back to the couch.  Then, the doorbell rings and Ethan, confused, goes to the door and looks out of the peephole.  He runs to Daniel’s room and bangs on the door.

ETHAN

Dude, Daniel, wake up.  It’s your mom.  She’s outside our door.

 ----------------------------------------------------------------

End of Part 1

-----------

creatively yours,

~R~

PASS it on OVER!

A review of three great books just right for Passover (or for any other time of year).

I was going to originally write this post during Passover.  Though, I didn't quite finish one of the books in time and I wanted this to be a review of some good literature not something 'hokey pokey' just for Passover.  Just because the three books happen to revolve around Passover somewhat, they are very different.  What makes one book's usage of Passover Seders different from others?  Let's find out.

 

 

The Matzo Ball Heiress 

by Laurie Gwen Shapiro

This book is all about the dysfunction and family drama that arises at Passover time.  For those who aren't 'members of the tribe', at Passover, Jews sit down and have a Seder, which is like a Jewish Thanksgiving.  The only differences is that on Passover, there is lots of reading, lots of waiting (for food), and lots of drinking (of wine).  You can see how things can get a bit melodramatic, what with a bunch of Jews together who are all starving and drunk.  You get the picture!

Heather Greenblotz, the main character, is the heiress of the Greenblotz Matzoh company fortune.   However, she doesn't want to merely sponge off of her inheritance; her main career is being a documentary film maker with her friend and business partner, Vondra Adams.  Despite her family pedigree, a Heather Greenblotz Seder consists of her eating a ham and cheese sandwich in front of the tv, alone.  Thus, the whole non-Seder and the fact that  Heather doesn't talk to her family much, contradicts the Greenblotz franchise motto: 'Buy Greenblotz-Because family is everything'.    

Heather's life begins to unravel when she agrees to televising a Greenblotz family Seder (the first in a long long time).  Obviously, Heather doesn't think this is such a good idea; her family fights like cats and dogs on Creatine (which makes you super aggressive, ps).   Between a matzoh ball and a hard place, Heather must try to track down and gather her crazy family together for the first ever televised Greenblotz Seder.  This, however, is much harder than it seems.  

Heather's father, Solomon Greenblotz is now an openly gay man living in Amsterdam with a Dutch erotic photographer.  Heather's mother,  Jocelyn is taking an Amazon cruise to study with shamans and healers.  Jake, her cousin, is cohabiting with a non-Jew, Shioban who, to the public, is always introduced as Shoshanna Greenblotz.  Greg, Jake's brother, lives in Florida and loves women, fishing, and having fun in the sun.  It doesn't help that Greg's current girlfriend is named Amy Hitler.  So, having slim pickins, Heather must try to find non-family members to attend the Seder. Throw that in with the project of taking on: a smarmy stoner high school film intern, having a complicated romance with the kosher camera man, and also having to lie about the whole truth of the Greenblotz family- these circumstances make for one very Tums inducing Passover Seder.

I give this book four out of five matzoh balls.  It is funny and quirky, laugh out loud at times.  However, I also cannot help to identify it somewhat as 'chic lit'.  Now, I don't believe so much in that genre, but there are books that appeal more to women than men.  There's a steamy (in my opinion), all too graphic sex scene.  Sex really perfumes this book and keeps it into the land of light reading.  What also keeps Shapiro's book from being more highbrow is the light-hearted fluffiness surrounding the female protagonist's perspective.  Women in this book seem only to think about sex (so do the men by the way).  The characters, however, are wild, fun-loving, and very cleverly drawn out.  The whole Seder debacle reminds me of a Christopher Durang play, wacky with intelligent dialogue.  I can see many scenes of this book, by the way, playing out on a theater stage.  My wife tells me that there is rumor of a stage production in the works of Shapiro's book.  How splendid!  I think this book would translate really well to the stage and I'd pay good money to see it, like Jerry Springer meets Shalom in the Home.

• Laurie Gwen Shapiro website 

 

These Days Are Ours

by Michelle Haimoff

*SPOILER ALERT*

I love this book!  It is rare to find a piece of fiction that can fit inside so many genres of literature.  This book is first and foremost 'Jewish' in that most of the characters ARE Jewish.  However, it is  definitely a commentary about how social class and religion cohabit within American society.  The book is also 9/11 fiction, as it is set in post 9/11 NYC.  There are not many books that can pull of existing in multiple worlds, but this book does just that.

I had a hard time putting this book down.  Instantly, I identified with the main character, Hailey, a wealthy post-college grad living in New York's Upper East Side.  However, Hailey is a lot more than just a 'Jewish American Princess'.  She strives to be something and wants to get a job so she can earn her own keep.  She doesn't want to rely on her parents' fortune from their work with Conde Naste magazine.  Hailey wants to do things on her OWN terms.  That is something any 20 or 30 something can relate to; breaking away from one's parents and past is never easy.

Hailey basically only has her friends, Randy, Katie, and Jess, to rely on.  They go out to hung-over brunches and stay out at bars for late night drink-a-thons.  However, these friends all share the similar experience of growing up within the upper crust circle of New York City, so they understand each other.  Hailey may not like the fact that her friend, Katie, texts her brother, Adam and that they have an on again off again booty call relationship.  Hailey freaks out when she hears that her brother almost OD's and hears it from Katie, not Adam.  

The lack of direct communication between characters makes for quite complex and fragile relationships.  Which, while we're on the subject, brings me to point out how much I appreciate the relationship between Hailey and her mom.  I find it sad that Hailey sits in an often empty apartment and turns on music in different rooms in order to feel less alone.  Hailey's mom is one of those people who acts busy in order to feel fulfilled and less empty.  She goes to Barney's and drops money on shoes like it is her job to do so.  Hailey pines for the days when her family was a unit, but now they have been pulled apart from divorce.  What makes it worse is that Hailey doesn't hear the truth about her parents' divorce from her mother or father.  She hears it from Adrian, a guy she meets at a Passover Seder and then falls in love with.  It seems unreal that she would hear about her dad's affair through gossip, but in New York's upper crust society, this is totally possible. 

Hailey deals with both the pressures of 'keeping up with the Schneiders' and worrying about getting blown up.  Being rich in post-9/11 New York is quite a tall order.  It is interesting that through the book, Hailey has to fight her fear that is a result from 9/11.  She secretly hopes the terrorists will strike again so she can run through Central Park and fall into the arms of Brenner, a perfect Jewish ten in her book.  She, however, realizes, like with everything else, that Brenner and his family are not perfect either.  Their photograph with a Golden Retriever and white picket fence is only a glossy veneer.  Hiding beneath are the same imperfections and dysfunction within Hailey's own family.  Hailey learns that Brenner's mother is trapped in a marriage she wants out of, as she confides this to Hailey drunkenly during a party.  Nothing is at it seems, which is a theme I definitely appreciate.

Hailey faces difficult turmoil as a result of hiding what people don't see and living up to other people's expectations.  Being rich is not worry-free in Hailey's mind; if she wants success, she must earn it.  She Hailey wants to get a job so she can prove that she isn't just another wealthy trust fund baby who shops by day and drinks/parties by night.  She also has to deal with the less than perfect family dynamic.  Hailey, luckily, finds solace in her relationship with Adrian, a boy from outside New York City who has more realistic qualities than Brenner, the guy Hailey is obsessed with and wants to marry.  Soon, however, Hailey realizes that her fantasy about Brenner is a little girl crush.  It is her relationship with Adrian that begins to form substance, as he consoles and listens to Hailey; he seems to be the only one with his head on straight who offers good advice.  I actually identified as much with Adrian as with Hailey.

Which brings me to point out how much I like that the voice is not distinctly male or female.  Usually, you can tell what gender the author is.  However, in this case, Michelle Haimoff might as well have been a pen name.  The female voices are authentic, but so are the male ones.  Both genders have their issues.  I applaud Michelle Haimoff, especially in that she is a feminist blogger.  However, it is refreshing to see that she is an authentic feminist in that she understands the complexities and complications behind men and women.  She doesn't rail against men the entire time, nor does she present women as superior (though they are) and flaw-free.  There is a balanced and truthful portrayal of both men and women in this book.

I give this book a definite five out of five matzoh balls.  It seems, at first glance, to be another book about rich people and their problems or post 9/11 New York.  However, there is so much hiding underneath the surface, much like the characters themselves.  I could easily see this book being made into a movie.  The scenes are well described and I can picture these characters walking the streets of NYC.  Truly a must read!

• TDAO website 

• Michelle Haimoff website 

All Other Nights

by Dara Horn

What I love most about this book is the merging of seemingly divergent topics, The Civil War and Judaism.  Why don't people often put these two things together?  After all, Judah P. Benjamin, a character in the book was an actual person AND the very first Jewish Cabinet member in this country's history.  He was a Confederate politician who, toward the war's end, argued that slaves in the Confederacy should be freed.  Benjamin was also only the second Jew to serve in the US Senate (for the state of Louisiana).  At Southern succession, he was made attorney-general of the Confederacy, then Secretary of War, and lastly Secretary of State.  Just to read about real people from history, who are also Jews, who played a very significant role within the context of the Civil War is thoroughly riveting.

Therefore, the opening scene, where Jacob Rappaport (the main character) sits in a barrel on a boat to Louisiana having enlisted with the Union army.  He does this to escape being married off, as a business transaction, to a 'homely' 17-year old girl who still plays with her dolls.  Jacob's family are wealthy mercantile New York Jews who are engaged in export/import on the East Coast.  Jacob soon discovers that he is talented as a Union soldier, and he is soon enlisted as a spy.  So, as he arrives in New Orleans, he has one mission, attend a family Seder to track down and kill Harris Hyams, a Confederate spy who is also his Aunt Elizabeth's husband.  Judah Benjamin will also be attending the Seder, as he is Harris's first cousin.  Should Jacob betray his family bloodline or his country?

Jacob's next mission is in Richmond, Virginia where he must win over the heart of one Eugenia (Jeannie) Levy who, with her sisters is involved in a Confederate spy ring.  Jeannie's family is also Jewish and involved in the business world which makes Jacob's job even easier, as he helps Philip, Jeannie's father, fix his books and save his business to which he is indebted and softened concerning   Jeannie's courtship by Jacob.  Jeannie's sisters are all quirky: Charlotte (Lottie) has been engaged multiple times, Rose speaks in cryptic code, and Phoebe is an expert whittler.  These are all separate skills that the Levy sisters use to operate their spy ring.  Adding gravity to the matter is the fact that Jeannie's ex-fiance discovers Jacob is a spy and will sell him out in order to win Jeannie back.  

Jacob soon discovers that the Levy sisters (at least most of them) have actually been spying for the Yankees and not the Confederacy.  However, Jeannie's true identity is mistaken and suddenly Jacob's wife and the mother of his unborn child is thrown into a Union prison.  Jacob must continue his work as a spy working with the Union, each passing day pining after Jeannie Levy, a mission that he fell in love with.  The book has many quick twists and turns that keep you reading.  You never are sure what will come next.  How will the now looming situation that Jacob is in, resolve itself?  Will Jeannie and Jacob see one another again?  This book is a labyrinth of suspense and spy-tingling mystery.

I give the book 5 out of 5 matzoh balls.  I read it a year ago, and still, the scenes and characters are vivid in my memory (which is not typical since I have really bad detail recall).  This book uses facts from history, as Dara Horn was once the fact-checker for American Heritage magazine.  Did you know, for instance that General Ulysses S. Grant sent out a proclamation to expel every Jew from the Department of the Tennessee, which included parts of Tennessee, Kentucky, and Mississippi, solely because Grant believed them (ALL Jews in the area) to be 'war profiteers'.  So, yes, Ulysses S. Grant had some anti-Semitic beliefs. Dara Horn expertly merges fiction with fact, and cleverly weaves a plausible historical fiction.  Most of the events in the book did not happen, but they could have.  If you are a history buff or just love a good spy novel, then this book is surely for you.  It is smart, well-written, and tells a great story (very similar to how Big Fish is told as a piece of film).  The Civil War and Judaism do not keep exclusive company anymore!

• AON website

matzah-tastically yours,

~R~